it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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