I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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