Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
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we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
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I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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