Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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