I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
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What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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