I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I bet he comes in French.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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