wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize