i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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