You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
As shirtless as possible
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A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
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You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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