she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
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He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
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So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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