Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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