Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize