Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
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i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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