just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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