You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
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