What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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