she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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