The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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