I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
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Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
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Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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