I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize