I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize