i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
high people should be assigned attendants
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
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He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
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right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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