Your face is a jimmy john
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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