i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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