Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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