My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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