take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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