i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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