so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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