Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize