I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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