If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize