I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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