Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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