I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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