just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
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I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
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Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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