I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
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Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
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That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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