Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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