my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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