how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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