New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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