I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you traded sex for a burrito?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just found puke in my bra..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize