Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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