I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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