i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
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He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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