Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
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Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
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I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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