I'm lost and stupid without you.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
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vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
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Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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