So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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