I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize