I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
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I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
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I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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